fiddlesurgeon Posted March 16, 2015 Report Posted March 16, 2015 I'll refrain from telling the one other mathematician joke I know. Thanks V for the refresh. One of my more enjoyable threads.
Violadamore Posted March 17, 2015 Report Posted March 17, 2015 "Sibelius must have been a man of unusual valor." "Sibelius??" "Sure. It says here he was a hero to the Finnish."
Julian Cossmann Cooke Posted March 17, 2015 Report Posted March 17, 2015 Oy! The custom of putting lost teeth under the pillow was started by the children of Cremona hoping that they would be retrieved and replaced with a coin, courtesy of the Stradifairy. One of my colleagues said yesterday morning that he was going to bring in his iron straightedge but then realized it was ferrous ruler's day off. (yes, he actually said that.)
Violadamore Posted April 11, 2015 Report Posted April 11, 2015 The following is shamelessly plagiarized from blakjak.org http://blakjak.org/index-1.htm A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $20,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK - he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $20,000 is a substantial amount of money and that she will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $20,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" (Are you ready......?) The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone". [Hey, like it's got a musical connection, right? ]
MeyerFittings Posted April 11, 2015 Author Report Posted April 11, 2015 A poor fellow named Benny was waling down a beach when he found a small urn shaped container with curious symbols on it laying half covered in the sand. Figuring that it must have washed up during last nights storm, he picked it up and polished off the sand. Lo and behold a genie popped out of the top and told him that he could have three wishes. The only caveat was that under no circumstances could he ever again cut his hair. Sounded good to Benjamin, so he wished for a beach front mansion which quickly materialized. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to share it with, and finally untold wealth so that he could keep both. Several months later his beautiful woman started complaining about his unkempt appearance, especially his beard, which she found scratchy. He ignored her for several weeks but finally she drove him so crazy he used a razor. Bad move. The genie appeared and told him that he himself was now free and that they would be switching places since the agreement was broken. In went our hero to become the next genie. The moral? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned"
Stephen Faulk Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 Conceptual Pun: I have a joke about a Sound Proof Room, but the punch line goes Hounds Tooth Groom, but I have not written the joke yet. It involves a scene at a recording studio which doubles as a kennel and characters from existential novels written by Paul Camus. Not sure how it holds together with no exit, but I'm really too busy to figure it out, and I'm not albert to Sarte now.
Michael_Molnar Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 If as the title of this thread says, puns are the lowest form of humor, is it true that punsters are the lowest form of human?
Violadamore Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 If as the title of this thread says, puns are the lowest form of humor, is it true that punsters are the lowest form of human? No.
not telling Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 Are you calling us Munsters?This reminds me, I read in the Independent that a man will be undergoing a head transplant. True. If it works, it might be appropriate as an intervention for those who pun uncontrollably.
romberg flat Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 ...bravo MF... ...but about certain claims could be argued even with William de Baskerville...
Frederick Dale Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 Those hounds of Baskerville's are out of bounds......again!
yancypup Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 I used to be as pure as the driven snow..... but I drifted. Mae West
romberg flat Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 Those hounds of Baskerville's are out of bounds......again! Sorry but there are no bounds for Punskerville's hounds.
Violadamore Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 I used to be as pure as the driven snow..... but I drifted. Mae West I've claimed for years that I'm as pure as the driven snow...... at Frenchman Flat, NV.
Michael_Molnar Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 I've claimed for years that I'm as pure as the driven snow...... at Frenchman Flat, NV. I always thought you were radiant.
Violadamore Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 I always thought you were radiant. [beams and scintillates. ]
Stephen Faulk Posted April 12, 2015 Report Posted April 12, 2015 Must have been named Frenchman Flat 'cause you gunned him down for being out of tune.
yancypup Posted April 13, 2015 Report Posted April 13, 2015 I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. Groucho Marx.
Violadamore Posted April 13, 2015 Report Posted April 13, 2015 ............If Moennig Frenched an expensive Ruggeri cello, certainly it represents work that today would be inappropriate......... I never did that to a stringed instrument but I've done it to woodwinds lots of times. Doesn't everyone?
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