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puns are the lowest form of humor


MeyerFittings
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A U.S. Senator was part of a group touring a research institute seeking government funding. It was run by a couple of very well respected formerly European scientists:  Max Menn and Ernst Planz.  A lovely young lab assistant was leading the tour and answering a multitude of questions.  Most of the research was being done on primates and mice.  In one room the assistant pointed out that sexual research was being done using mice.


 


The Senator was very observant and saw that in most cases the mice seemed lethargic and relatively unhealthy, but in one cage the mice were seemingly much more content and sleek, with shiny coats, clear eyes, and almost had smiles on their little faces.  


 


At the end of the tour the Senator called the young lady aside and described that particular cage of mice and asked if she could explain what was different about them or their treatment.


 


The lab assistant, with a wry "Mona Lisa" smile said, "Oh yes, Senator.  I see you are very astute.  You see, in the current experiments, in most of the cages the mice are kept from fulfilling their sexual urges by various means, but that particular cage is the reverse, and serves as our 'control'.  At the Institute we like to say the mice in that cage are the best laid mice of Planz and Menn."


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And then there are Feghoots. http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/2277/feghoot-iv-feghoot-in-captivity  http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/category/taxonomy/feghoots :)  :lol: [saunters off while practicing "Tarzan's Tripes Forever" for Presidents Day]

You might consider adding the navy anthem, "The Spar Tangled Banner" to your repertoire... ;)

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OK, you axed for it.

  This is as good as I got. Sincere apologies to my Native American brethren, who though they were totally screwed still manage to have a sense of humor.( I hope) :unsure: :

 

The Papapu Indians were having a rough time. The Papaposse were dealing with drought, famine and pestilence. The tribe consulted the Shaman who determined that a human sacrifice was necessary to assuage the spirits. He determined that the first born males in the next month were to be sacrificed.  As foretold two babes were born and they were ceremoniously placed on buffalo hides in front of the tribes with their Mothers and the Tribe looking on, waiting for the sacrificial tomahawk.

The wife of the High Chief felt terrible. That these two Mothers would have to sacrifice their babes was insufferable. In a totally selfless gesture she offered her own son as a substitute for the offspring of the doomed families.

 

And so her act has been passed down through history as a beacon, a truism. almost  a theorem:  for now we know that:

 

" THE SON OF THE SQUAW  OF THE HIGH  PAPAPOOSE , IS EQUAL TO THE SONS OF THE SQUAWS ON THE OTHER TWO HIDES"

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My Wife just informed me the that shaggy dog pun was outed on NPR today. That's not fair!  I've been screwed!  I have been holding on to that one forever, waiting for the right moment to let loose, and I've been robbed!  I have always wondered what kind psychopathic genius thought that one up. I imagined something from the cranium of R. Crumb-  like Mr. Natural or someone coming up with that pun. My favorite pun of all time. 

 

I hope that you are happy now Public Radio. What irony!  What synchronicity!  It's enough to turn an old hippie into a Repub.... no I won't say it. 

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OK, you axed for it.

  This is as good as I got. Sincere apologies to my Native American brethren, who though they were totally screwed still manage to have a sense of humor.( I hope) :unsure: :

 

The Papapu Indians were having a rough time. The Papaposse were dealing with drought, famine and pestilence. The tribe consulted the Shaman who determined that a human sacrifice was necessary to assuage the spirits. He determined that the first born males in the next month were to be sacrificed.  As foretold two babes were born and they were ceremoniously placed on buffalo hides in front of the tribes with their Mothers and the Tribe looking on, waiting for the sacrificial tomahawk.

The wife of the High Chief felt terrible. That these two Mothers would have to sacrifice their babes was insufferable. In a totally selfless gesture she offered her own son as ad substitute for the offspring of the doomed families.

 

And so her act has been passed down through history as a beacon, a truism. almost  a theorem:  for now we know that:

 

" THE SON OF THE SQUAW  OF THE HIGH  PAPAPOOSE , IS EQUAL TO THE SONS OF THE SQUAWS ON THE OTHER TWO HIDES"

 

Oh dear.  Cultureless anthropology.  [Waddles off toward bed with a copy of Coming In Heat In Samoa under her arm]  :lol:  :ph34r:

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My Wife just informed me the that shaggy dog pun was outed on NPR today. That's not fair!  I've been screwed!  I have been holding on to that one forever, waiting for the right moment to let loose, and I've been robbed!  I have always wondered what kind psychopathic genius thought that one up. I imagined something from the cranium of R. Crumb-  like Mr. Natural or someone coming up with that pun. My favorite pun of all time. 

 

I hope that you are happy now Public Radio. What irony!  What synchronicity!  It's enough to turn an old hippie into a Repub.... no I won't say it. 

No, the best one from that milieu was Freewheeling Franklin facing down the hijackers by telling them, "What I have in this bag can destroy us all!"  :lol:

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Since no one has come down on the story of the Papapu tribe in some scathing complaint demanding political correctness, I'll risk this one:


 


My great uncle was an early electrician in Oklahoma. Of course as times marched on more and more cities and towns got electricity and its wonderful benefits.  Sadly, these were slow to reach farms and indeed the Cherokee Nation.


 


Well,  the Cherokee had no real interest in this "new fangled thing," but as time went by the Chief of that Nation was getting old and desired to have heating and light, particularly in his "out building."  So his supporters contacted my great uncle, who was called in, consulted, and hired to do the job, thereby becoming the first man to wire a head for a reservation.


 


—I believe this was told by Alan King in different words, but may or may not be original to him. 

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No, the best one from that milieu was Freewheeling Franklin facing down the hijackers by telling them, "What I have in this bag can destroy us all!"  :lol:

 

I have not seen that quote since I read the original in the early 1970's, but the image shot straight into "that inward eye that is the bliss of Gilbert Shelton."

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I have not seen that quote since I read the original in the early 1970's, but the image shot straight into "that inward eye that is the bliss of Gilbert Shelton."

Having an image of Freewheeling Franklin Freak starkers waving a bag of dope engraved on your "inward eye".............must illuminate your aesthetic vision a great deal.  Given the zeitgeist of their period, one wonders what disturbing visions Strad and GDG harbored?   :)  :huh: [Dances away playing "Dies Irae" variations]

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  • 1 month later...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You guys should know your limits".

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And then there's the large throng gathered around the vendor demonstrating a new sharpening system at a recent VSA gathering.  The vendor rep was strop-dead gorgeous and everyone at the event was already kind of hone-y to begin with.

 

If her name was Jools, I bought a sharpening system from her ten years ago. ^_^

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