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mommag

Music/violin jokes anyone?

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My son's teacher loves telling music jokes.  The other day

during the lesson, he said to my son, "Did you know that the

composers never die?"  My son replied, "No."  His teacher

said "They decompose!"  Another time, He asked us

"What do the lawyers and the violist have in common?"  

"They are both happy when the cases are closed!"

(By the way he teaches viola, too.)

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O.k. here are a few silly jokes I made up.

Who was the grasscutter's favorite composer?

Mowzart.

Who was the cobbler's favorite composer?

Shoebert.

What do you call a Bach lover who escapes prison?

A fugueitive of the law.

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Whats the difference between a jazz musician and a family size pizza?

A family size pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of trombone player?

A tattoo.

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Although it is not a joke, my son simply made a mistake pronouncing the piece. I though it was cute.

He meant to say "Mom, I want to learn Bach Double."

But instead he said, "Mom, I want to learn Duck Bubble."

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What is a string quartet?

A good violinist

A pretty good violinist

A failed violinist

and someone who hates violins

What do you get when the miner fells down the air shaft at the mine?

Ab minor

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Someone once told me that violas were actually the same size as violins . . . but they seem larger because violinists' heads tended to swell.

I guess he was kidding.

He also mentioned that the difference between a viola and a trampoline was that you must wear shoes when jumping up and down on a viola.

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Difference between violin and fiddle.........

violin uses strings, fiddle uses strangs......also playing violin you can't stop in the middle of the piece and spit.

Epitaph on J. S. Bach's grave........

I'll be Bach!

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Bach later, Offenbach sooner.

What's the difference beetween a violin and a viola?

(a) the viola burns longer

(:) it holds more beer

This one's really funny in german, but doesn't translate well:

Was ist die drei lagen auf dem bratsche?

Erste lage, notlage und niederlage.

translation:

What are the three positions of the viola?

1st position, emergency and defeat.

and for you theorists out there:

http://www.classicalarchives.com/fun.html

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Probably heard these already but:

What do you call a drummer whose girlfriend just broke up with him?..........homeless.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?....nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

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1. What's the best thing about a bagpipe recital?

The solitude.

2. A good violist, a bad violist, Santa Clause and the Easter bunny jump off a tall building. Who hits first?

The bad violist, the other 3 are fictional characters.

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Why do bagpipers always march while they play?

They're trying to get away from the sound.

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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Jeeezz Omobono-where to you get all these pictures from?

At first I thought he was eating the 4 part Calzone of Giuseppe Tortellini, but at second glance it appears to be pizza made by Tomato Albinoni

Fritz

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After a performance of Don Quixote, the principal violist and some of his friends went out for a late dinner to celebrate. Upon returning home, the violist comes upon a large crowd with a dozen or so fire and police vehicles and his house engulfed in flames. Rushing out of his car to the curb he screams, "what happened!" One of his neighbors came up to him and said, "I'm sorry, it started about an hour ago. Your conductor showed up and was banging on your front door, shouting obscenities. When it became obvious that you were not going to answer the door, he set your house on fire."

The violist stared at his neighbor with an incredulous look on his face. "You mean," he said slowly, "the maestro came to MY house?!"

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