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Rude tool names


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I was aimlessly wandering around a tool shop last week (yes, there is a first time for everything!!), and was very surprised to discover a file called a "B*stard File".

I kid you not.

I'm quite fascinated by the name.....not sure if it was named by a woman to describe a tool that comes in a large variety of shapes and sizes, or if it was infact named by a man to describe a tool that is somewhat coarse.

FWIW I decided that I didn't need it!


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Dear Xania,

The word has a very "legitimate" etymology which I am sure I do not know well. It means "irregular" in some sense. I guess for files, Bastards are in between two standard (or previously standard) styles.

As to children, bastards were irregular in that they could not claim legitimate linage from a given father. But people then did not want to completely destroy the child, they simply called him a bastard.

I found this on the net, it seems always to have been somewhat perjorative: ""3. bastard, mongrel -- (derogatory term for a variation that is not genuine; something irregular or inferior or of dubious origin; "the architecture was a kind of bastard suggesting Gothic but not true Gothic") ""

Mongrel, half-breed, irregular, out of sorts with accepted forms, etc. That is how I read it.

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I use a flat illegitimate file for first cuts on nuts, necks, saddles, bridge tops, and sometimes fingerboard bumps. It's got THE B WORD stamped on it by the Nicholson company, right near the tang. Am I allowed to say 'tang on the board?

I was startled to see a bottle of "Fat B*stard" red wine in the local "package" store (now there's a euphemism!) the other day. Closer scrutiny showed it to be French. Must be a transplanted Oz vintner, I thought.

There are those who take delight in reading labels right,

They rroll their R's and do those German glottals;

Me, I couldn't give a monkey's, for the stuff for getting drunk is

On the inside, not the outside, of the bottles!

cheers, all

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Well it never ceases to amaze me the things you lot know!

The "B" file does make a bit more sense now.

Another thing that has always amused me is the naming of plugs as the "male" and "female"-descriptive, I guess but.....

Anyway, what are sex bolts, or was that a joke?


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I tried to show you a picture of "the 6 cannon sizes of Henry II" with our friend the red-headed stepchild right between the Great Culverin and the "Legitimate" Culverin.

Until I get the picture onto a usable site, here's another verse of the wine song:

There are those, the silly asses, who line up rows of empty glasses

They have a different wine with every course they eat.

Me, I mix whatever's handy in a stiff all-purpose shandy

That goes very well with fish or shredded wheat.

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